Oh three envelopes full of you and ink blots (more Rorschach?) and photos of phalanges etc. etc. etc., 549 pages of an unmerciful string of words: highly intellectual, and the 12' x 18' enclosure. We were shattering air molecules, the onlookers felt inappropriate. It was that. No one else felt the universe conspiring at that moment so it was perfect. Then of course there were the numbers: 284, 19, 90 -- even the sense of chronology is lost. We were yet there is also the possibility that we were not (after all, in the end, what is the difference?). I'd like to think that we were and we were both real and we were both there. If such is the case, every fucking thing makes sense. It just makes sense. 

There is also the deep metallic blue. There were hints of shimmer in all the odd places. No one else was paying attention so it was perfect. Or the shining was only for us. Or we were the shining. I'd also like to think we were the shining.

Yes is written on the left hand. It just happened as such. Maybe because I am right handed and you are right handed. But our feet knew nothing about lefts and rights. Lefts and rights were also forgotten. It seems as though bits and pieces of us are forgotten when we are: 1. are, 2. real, 3. there,  4. the shining. The lost bits and pieces (so much more than mentioned) make up the delicious madness.

If there is ever an audience out there (or in here. same, same.), it is time to pick up those saggin' n' deafenin' ears of yours for a nocturnal hello. I am going to lie about something in a very short while so keep em hanging: I saw The Rolling Stones LIVE in concert!!! At least I thought I did...I was only seeing them through the super humungous extra extra large gargantuan IMAX screen! And indeed, it is life. It is, life-ier than life. How do I put this. It was so real! I was screaming in my seat and I was digging my fingers into the plastic arm rests. Wow. That's the way to age: best way to flaunt their, all in all, 200-sumthin' age. Anyways, presently, I am busiest than all the other busiest buzzing beez-timez combined. I work 10 hour days (that is if I don't "anonymously" take off in the middle of a "Here Comes the Sun" day to ride my Fuji $10 bike in the heart of Kansas City OR go to school) as a Purchassing Assistant for the kansascitymisourischooldistrict (always 3 mouth's full) although lately the load is being lifted (seemingly) due to the newly hired purchasing assistant (one who is more qualified than I am) and I have been training her for a week and three-quarters now (three-quarters of a week, for clarification purposes). And, oh, oh! I am interning, also, at Rockhurst high school ("the Jesuit preparatory school in Kansas city") in the English department under a sweaterpolo-and-tie man, Mr. Frank Griffin. He's a scruffy, aged, New Yorker and I have to say, I LOVE THE ACCENT! haha I'm practicing my NY-er accent with the words: America, talking, dog, morning, monoxide, off, walk, and so it goes and so it goes and so it goes...also, aside from stealing bits and pieces of the NY-er accent, I have been occupying myself with the informal-self-schooling of the French language (oui, oui) and these are the only, few things that I know and can say: "ça va?", "ça va très bien, merci! et toi?" (variation: "bien, et toi?" or "ça va bien, et toi" etc. etc. etc.), "ça non va pas", "ju suis en formé", "ju suis fatigué(e)", and of course "oui" and "non" (nasal please?). I find this pretty impressive and, uh, consequential. Don't you? Oh, I am surely tiring your eyes and occipital lobe (in that sequence) in reading this uppercase-lowercase, ellipses-filled, quotation mark-filled, and parenthesis-filled word-shitting o' mine. If I indeed did tire you, I apologize, in heaps and heaps and heaps of apologies! In so much heaps that it is as tall as the formerly-World Trade Center!

Are you over it?

Ok, in other news, I am so swamped with love and art and children and psychology and slide film these days. I have not been roaming the streets of Kansas city in search for any of the above although I feel like I see and feel and hear about it everywhere I go, in the car especially. I wish I had an endless supply of film because there are so many beautiful and nonbeautiful things in this world waiting to be "seeped in" by the passing of action of silver halide on gelatin on acetate. sigh sigh sigh. Sometimes the world is just so simply beautiful (more so profoundly, at times) that there are almost no words to explain it's simplicity. Like tempura-fried ice cream. That simple. And oh, I met this wonderful old man named Steve. He is a photographer and photography professor at the Kansas City Art Institute who has been gracing me with coffee break-conversations. We have the best time sipping lattés and talking, well he mostly talks and tells stories and shares techniques. He is an interesting ole chap  indeed.

So yes, that has been the happenings with me......oh! I forgot about my new, vieille bicyclette! I bought it from a thrift store or sorts, with Jaime, a good friend of mine, it is distressingly blue and yellow although I recently pimped it up by spray painting the front part of it (the prong that holds the front wheel) with neon yellow and pink, in a zebra fashion! I also have a matching zebreafied, old school, kring-kring bell to go with it! Due to this recent acquisition, I have earned a few biker friends! Two of said biker friends own a custom bike shop: Acme bikes. They are the most jagged-edged duo I have ever met! And we want to start a girls, bike night Thursdays! haha I am looking forward! Land me atop a chocolate mountain and I will foresee the nearing of said girl's night! I will soon post photos of stuff I took photos of.

Till then,
your loving overseas friend,
yes, the one you thought you once knew,
yes, the one you know,
Cheska (see-eytch-eeeeh-ass-kay-ey)

tata!

So I was playing with BabelFish trying to translate stuff and I translated my blog post: How I learned to stop and breathe. This is it in French:

"Je n'ai pas voulu dormir. Je n'ai eu aucune raison de dormir. Et j'ai vu ma réclamation "juste respirer" sur ma fenêtre. Et une partie de moi ne se rappelle pas mon nom, seulement cela j'a été baptisé du nom de mes grands-mères. Il n'y avait jamais beaucoup de raisons de regarder dehors, à moins que naturellement il ait dû regarder le ciel, mais les ballons rouges étaient trop d'une raison en soi. Ils étaient criants et dominants. Ils étaient un-purs et sûrement De-vierge-ized, mais ils ne se sont pas inquiétés. Ils étaient fiers et ils ont su qui ils étaient, à la différence de moi. Notre seulement similitude est que nous avons dansé avec de l'air. Puisque j'oublie, j'oublie facilement. J'oublie ma perte de virginité ou mes nonloss ? Ou était-elle toute dans le plan de mon imagination ? Toujours, la chanson de Noël rebondit outre de nos murs du téléphone des cellules de la maman. Et par ailleurs je vois le cauchemar avant Noël dans ma tête. Et pensant, pourquoi est-elle si populaire ? Je ne l'obtiens pas même. Mon esprit était trop jeune quand I d'abord et pour la dernière fois observé lui. Et des personnes plus jeunes sont maintenant ainsi hanté. Je déteste le fait qu'ils pensent qu'ils savent quand eux et eux veulent seulement être frais. Et je pense, ce qui est le monde sans frais ? Est-ce que la chaleur descendrait sur nous et serait un monsieur et nous frotterait à la mort ? Peut-être les gosses savent. Peut-être ils juste ont récemment observé le cauchemar avant Noël, à la différence de moi. Et ils ÉTAIENT frais. Et ils ont excentré la chaleur non équilibrée du monde. Et ils savent leurs noms, et étaient sûrs au sujet de leur virginité et genre. Et la seule chose que je pourrais faire est de regarder hors de ma fenêtre et de voir les ballons rouges magnifiques me dire de respirer. Respirez et rappelez-vous. Et baise. Baisez l'univers. Puisque vraiment, l'univers est en soi une blessure ouverte, attendant et désireux, et mouillez. Il veut que nous pénètrent, creuser nos trous et le baiser, baisez-le dur, six-pied-sous dur. Alors il fuirait son ressort au loin au monde par le petit livre vert dans la terre qui pourrait couper la peau et lui faire la purge pour éteindre sa soif après le tressaillement de la baise. Au calme il et l'apaisent à la paix. Voyez que comment avide le monde est ? Imaginez que toutes les personnes qui baisaient toujours et baisent et imbibent dans le sang de la progéniture du monde et elles ont juste vu ma réclamation. Elles sont respiration juste. Je réalise que j'avais tenu mon souffle pendant les minutes approximativement 2-cosmic maintenant, mes yeux sautant à la vue des ballons rouges hors de ma fenêtre et moi pensent à mon nom et comment je juste ai récemment appris à m'arrêter et respirer."

And again, in english:

"I did not want to sleep. I did not have any reason to sleep. And I saw my complaint "right breathing" on my window. And a part of me does not remember my name, only that I was baptized name of my grandmothers. There were never many reasons to look at outside, unless naturally it had to look at the sky, but the red balloons too much were a reason in oneself. They were shouting and dominant. They were a-pure and surely Of-virgin-ized, but they did not worry. They were proud and they knew which they were, with the difference of me. Our only similarity is that we danced with air. Since I forget, I forget easily. I forget my loss of virginity or my nonloss? Or was it all in the plan of my imagination? Always, the Christmas carol rebounds in addition to our walls of the telephone of the cells of the mom. And in addition I see the nightmare before Christmas in my head. And thinking, why is it so popular? I do not even obtain it. My spirit was too young when I initially and for the last time observed him. And of the younger people are now thus haunted. I hate the fact that they think that they know when they and they want to only be fresh. And I think, which is the world without expenses? Would heat go down on us and would be a Mister and would rub us with death? Perhaps the kids know. Perhaps they just recently observed the nightmare before Christmas, with the difference of me. And they WERE fresh. And they have excentré the not balanced heat of the world. And they know their names, and were sure about their virginity and kind. And the only thing which I could make is to look out of my window and to see the splendid red balloons saying to me to breathe. And you recall breathe. And kisses. Kiss the universe. Since really, the universe is in oneself an opened wound, waiting and eager, and wet. It wants that us penetrate, to dig our holes and the kiss, kiss it hard, six-foot-under hard. Then it would flee its spring with far in the world by the small green book in the ground which could cut the skin and to make him the purging to extinguish its thirst after quiver for kisses. With calms it and alleviate it with peace. See what how avid the world is? Imagine that all the people who always kissed and kiss and soak in blood with the offspring with the world and they just saw my complaint. They are breathing right. I realize that I had held my breath during the minutes roughly 2-cosmic now, my eyes jumping to the sight of the red balloons out of my window and me think of my name and how I just recently learned how to stop me and breathe."

Shit, I can't decide which is better, the original or this doubly translated version. Haha

Life is so fucking bipolar. Manic: 1. Scored an internship at a prestigious and highly respected private Jesuit high school. 2. Met a lot of new people and fell in love with a lot of beautiful soul-creations at Crossroads first friday. 3. Had the best vanilla latté's with whipped cream at the most adorable coffee shops (aside from the crave). Depressive: 1. The crave just went out of business. 2. I was in an ugly car accident. 3. I have no car. 4. I have to get the car fixed. 5. I have no money to get the car fixed 6. My mother has the worst insurance ever. 7. I have to take the bus. 8. and the weather isn't cooperative. 9. I have little/no time to talk to people anymore. 10. I have no more time for myself.

I can't believe this. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. I can't believe this. I can't believe THIS. Everything was supposed to be better. I'm having a hard time thinking. My brain is suffocating. Life support? To hell with oxygen.

Hello. I would be typing and spitting out words as if I am talking to you personally. I hope you don't mind. Because sometimes it's getting annoyingly monotonous to be talking to myself, or to people who I think would be better off dealing with life with a split-brain. One telegram of an order for a swift, butcher's knife action cutting of the corpus callosum please? Now you're probably thinking how irritatingly brutal and irrational I am right now. And probably you are right. All I can say though is that the only thing keeping me together right now is Regina Spektor. Yesterday it was coffee with mint and whipped cream with this painfully charming young woman with gold defined locks whose silver-glittered hair thingumajig beautifully complemented her sparkling, smiling eyes. She is a sweet girl. And I still don't know her name. Whilst the night before that it was vanilla wonderland. These little things mean the world to me. No matter how superficial they may seem, they hold this body of mine. Tiny, shiny braces of hope.

Now does it really matter that it is winter outside? And that I just wore sandals when I went for a walk? Yes, in this -2º F weather. I should probably have worn socks, at the least. It felt great though. I wish this cold would kiss your soles as well, it is invigorating! For a few seconds at least, after a while it becomes increasingly hard to escape. A million fine needles of ice puncturing the epidermis at an exponential rate, a tactile assault. Another thing that is bothering me, aside from the contradicting in/out weather, is cigarettes, and the fact that this week I have, shall I say, consumed a pack or two. Not by myself of course. I would probably die of suffocation. It is hard enough to breathe in this weather (here it is again! fuck it!). I hate the 100's because it's stupefyingly long and it takes a gazillion drags to finish. It's impossible.

Anyway, I'm glad though that I went to the gym last Monday. ha-ha yes, I find it hard to believe to. I was there an hour, Regina Spektor, Portishead, and Fiona Apple kept me company. I wasn't lonely at all. I wonder, what did you do last Monday night? and who were you with? Were you at all lonely? Because in my understanding, an ocean of people does not make life more meaningFUL and complete in most cases, on the contrary, I think it even makes you realize how lonely you actually are. And that you feel like everyone in that entire ocean of people just fucking slapped you right on your cheek/s, in an alternating fashion (right-left, or left right). Just because they're still trying to be polite. While you, at the end of that beating, are only left with torn flesh, a numb brain and a dislocated neck, probably a twisted spinal column too.

There are a lot more things swimming in my brain but these fishes/arpeggio are not ready to be eaten yet. They prefer to remain as they are, virgin notes in the salty brain-bowl. I'm sleeping with Regina Spektor tonight. She is omnipresent in my room. God, I love her.  You do too right? Don't worry, if you don't, I can always feed you to the fish and let you sink in their teeny tiny stomachs (if they are even called stomachs) and force Regina into your deconstructed body. You will love her. And you will not be lonely, at least for tonight, because you have me and Regina Spektor.

Fuck it. Let's all just get some sleep and tomorrow be on the hunt for a life.

Love love love,
Cheska

P.S. Thank you for being wonderful and patient with me throughout this entire word shitting. You are absolutely bright and lovely, and I will keep you close, close, close to my heaving chest. You are my locket. Goodnight my dear, dear locket!

There are five water falls, or at least five that I can count, that is breaking the snow capped mountains. These mountains are ragged and sharp, they induce a blood of turmoil. But today they are white, transformed-mutated-morphed, and they look like running clouds on a caffeine high.

I feel like Atlas, only with a flu and weary and near the ground and almost giving up. Whereas Laika though free in meaning, is still (preferably) trapped in that forever-freedom of the winter chill, battling the haze and jagged-edged peaks. Which is better?

Tomorrow is time for leaving. And my eyes are still swollen and heavy, my body numb and still. Tomorrow is leaving today.

I've been flipping through pages of my speech book to decide what speech to do a make-up-paper work on. I saw the commencement address Bono gave to the 2004 UPenn graduates and I thought "this would be interesting", so I read it. Sure enough, it was interesting, it is interesting.

I haven't really paid due attention to the world's plights. The recent Save Darfur came to my attention through the very subversive Instant Karma cd, the Yoko initiative. Same goes for (RED) or (PRODUCT)Red: voila! the (RED) iPod. Closely tied to the (RED) initiative is (here it comes...) Bono's ONE Campaign.

America has one facet bravely, or unfortunately?, put into motion by these consumer products, rock stars, hollywood personas, multi-million corporations (etc, etc, etc) and day after day they are saving Africa, Darfur, victims of AIDS, and the impoverished miles away. They stride on, bravely, to far away lands to go a step further and do something about IT, their causes, their battles. The question is, who's looking out for America? No, I am not a fan of America either, however simplified that may seem, I am not. Yet the question remains hanging, who is looking out for America? It has been established, in some in-group/out-group out there that the President is not. Remember the story telling time in the Kindergarten school when 9/11 was crushing millions of American dreams, hopes, and lives? And after that the air was filled with the terrorism-terrorist pollution that whenever new issues arose, there it was. Again; To shut up talk about the "other issues", to repress them, to instill fear past that seemingly amnesic state. The issue I see is this: there are, in average, 600,000 to 2.5 million homeless persons in America in 2005. Homelessness is caused, in the most part, by poverty. Now true, there are targeted federal programs and legislation in act for the cause of trimming these numbers but I must say, everyday I see homeless people everywhere I go here in Kansas City and no one seems to care, no one is taking up this plight and making it his/her cause.

I understand that in Africa, no one really looks out for the people. No one, among themselves, really has the capacity to act on AIDS or poverty. All I am saying though is that, well, I guess I just wanted to get that out, to get that ignorance out of my chest. I do think it is important and admirable, and courageous that those people and corporations with the means to extend any kind and amount of help (to the people who do not have the luxury, or rather means and opportunity for the capacity) do so.

I am on the road now, at the back seat of a Buick, on the way to Columbia for a TI seminar. Yep, doing this on MS Word, occasionally taking that outward glance to observe the scenery, mostly seas of needles, bones of trees. Which reminds me, here’s Bono’s Commencement Address :) : Because We Can, We Must (Bono)

I usually check y! weather so I can plan what i'll wear when I leave the house, to make sure i'll be comfortable whatever the temperature is. It's at 46˚ F at this very moment, with slight rain showers. I noticed the front moving South at around 6 am earlier today, yesterday, November 20. The coulds were in such a hurry.

Tomorrow, later, there may be a possiblility of snow showers. I wonder what that will be like. I'll be out tomorrow, later, driving to my favorite photo supply store to get rolls of 120 film and i'm pretty anxious of what will come. I'm not completely positive about the snow thing though. It isn't even that low a temperature now. Still, i'm wanting to feel that. I'll be out, waiting.

If you're interested in pinhole photography, or want to try it out, download the pdf instruction file. I haven't tried it out yet pero I built a mini matchbox pinhole camera pero still, haven't gone out to try it. What's great about pinholes is the whole experiment thing. Checking the diameter of the hole and it's depth of field ratio. Plus pinhole cameras capture wide angle shots so more print fun! :) Anyway, i've been studying the mathemetics behind the "mechanism" and it is complicated, for such a lo-fi device. haha I'll need more film though, i'm all out!

More on Pinhole Photography:
John Grepstad - Pinhole Photography

Okay, unang-una, patented ba ng Team Manila ang mga shirt nila? haha Last month nagsilk screen ako ng "Shoot lang nang shoot" sa isa kong shirt, ngayon, printed na rin siya sa lomo shirt ng Team Manila. At hindi lang yan, mga kababayan! Get this: Lomo + Manila = LomoManila di ba? Pero what if Lomo IN Manila? As in available IN Manila! As in for sale IN Manila! OMG. Makakapatay ako, ng ng ng...oh who cares! Lomo's in Manila! The "don't think just shoot" frenzy has finally reached bay, and had a hell of a welcoming shipwreck party! So, kung adik ka, feeling adik, gustong maging adik at nag aadik-adikan sa softdreamyvignettingedges that do not converge at center o di kaya multipleexposuresuperfreak o pwede ring pano-obsessed-ramic, para sayo ito. Kung wala ka naman sa na-enumerate kong mga uri ng adik, panahon na para mamulat ka.

Oh well, kung anu-ano nanaman ang nahahagilap ko sa aking world-wide-web-sandbox-digging spree. haha Okay, ngayong gabi mostly stuff on lomo kasi I was checking out the lomo ph site. Wala lang ulit haha

So, kung interesado ka. Heto na ang panahon para ma-sabik at mabaliw. Sa aking kaliwa (context/operational def: kaliwa - ng text, akin(g) - ang text. :) haha), makikita mo ang listahan ng lomo items for sale sa Team Manila, nandyan na rin ang prices. Inaamin ko, hindi ako masyadong nag-eenoy sa aking pag-aadvertise ng lomo or team manila (gusto ko ng color flash! hehe) pero ang nasa isip ko lang naman ay Spread the Lomo Lve, at wala ng iba. Kailangan ng mundong mamulat. Kailangan ng mundong makakita.

p.s. Click the links people :)

I just arrived from a 2-hr random driving spree (oh and take note, I missed CSI for this!): Independence, downtown Gotham City AKA Kansas, this creepy itsy bitsy town-in-a-town with a population of 23! pero the number of houses man! More than 23 kaya! Creepy as that was, there was a big snoopy santa clause display naman in the lawn of one of the houses, that made me smile. Then back route 2202 or 2022 or something. I seriously thought I was lost. Oh, practiced my parallel parking din in front of this house with 3 inflatable santa's. I thought downtown was especially pretty tonight because of the blue tree-lights, so "winter chirstmas card", kulang na lang snow. Anyway forgot to pack my cam kaya wala nanaman akong photos. Wala nanaman akong photos. Wala nanaman akong photos. NOOOO! I am getting terrible at this. I am losing my self that loves to take photos! I am losing my self! Love to take photos! haha halata na bang medyo bangag nanaman ako dahil sa coffee? And no, hindi na ako nag-ssugar. I'm too hyper na as it is.

So I've been thinking about this FREE hotel reservation/dinner at the crown center Hyatt. I think we should not do it. Oh, this is what happened. Mama, me and a bunch of friends ate at Skies, this revolving resto (revolving man! as in 360º! 360º na pag-ibig!) at the top of Hyatt. When we zoomed down, I was supposed to get the car tapos this big guy came out of nowhere and literally picked up mama and carried her over his shoulder like a freaking sack of potatoes. I swear, malapit na niyang mahulog si mama! Head first ha! Pucha, galit na galit talaga ako. Hindi ako naubusan ng english. Talgang hindi ko siya tinantanan. Tumawag ako ng pulis. Pero course, knowing mama, hindi siya nag-file ng case, kahit obvious na assault yon. Anyway, I knew na mama wouldn't give in to that. Kinausap pa nga niya yung guy, nakatikim ngayon siya ng lecture mula sa nanay ko. haha Well, so the manager nga told us that the next time around, we could eat for free sa Skies, or even spend a night or two at the Hyatt. Pero, again, I think it's not a good idea.

And nga pala, I am currently hating myself kasi I haven't had the holga film developed yet! Was too busy kasi last weekend :( Kaya tuloy, wala, inis ako. haha bukas! If I wake up early! Or if I don't sleep again tonight! I will take mama to school so I can have the car all day. Medyo tamad na kasi ako mag-commute haha Oh! So love the lights! So love the city smoke! So love the hypothermia-inducing cold winds! And so love the car heater!

The leaves eclipse existence and embrace the wind without fear or worry. How is it that something so elementary and skeletal could exude such feeling of peace? Peace that is a mirror of peace. Peace that is within itself. Rhythmical peace as light as a whisper. As light as laughter. And, as if to witness to the silence of the wind caressing the leaves, absences are replaced with a million hello's. Thank you, life.

Pinaglalaruan ko ang iChat ng notebook ko at nadiskubre ko na pwede pala itong gamitin kahit wala kang .mac account. Mahusay, mahusay. Isang malaking milestone ang napagtanto ko ngayon. Kinakailangan lang gumawa ako ng AIM account, so dali-dali ko naman itong ginawa. Agad-agaran ko ring ininstall ang AIM messenger sa computer ng nanay ko at ginawan ko na rin siya ng account, para naman meron akong makausap kapag ginamit ko ang iChat. haha Kung tutuusin, kaya ko napagdesisyonan na gumawa ng AIM account at gamitin ang iChat ay dahil sa marami-raming pagkululang ng ym para sa mac. Unang-una, walang voice conference/call option. Ikalawa, walang photoshare. Ikatlo...well, yun na yon, pero malaking bagay din ang call option at photoshare! Samantalang sa AIM messenger/iChat, mayroon nang call option/voice conference at photoshare, meron ding video conference! Cool ano? Kaya kung ako sa inyo, go na, go, download yourself an AIM messenger and create an account. haha Lakas ko mang-plug. Shameless plugging na wala rin namang epekto sa akin, except siyempre kung sabihin nating gumawa nga kayo ng account at nag-switch sa AIM, aba, edi masaya! Wala lang, nasabik lang ako kaya binabahagi ko ito sa inyo. Isa nanamang entry na ukol sa mga bagay-bagay na walang saysay ang nadadagdag sa aking naiipong entries-na-walang-katuturan. :)

Currently, nag th-that 70's show marathon ako via youtube dahil hindi nanaman ako makatulog. Ilang araw nang umaandar sa dead batteries ang biological clock ko at medyo nag-rotate din siya ng 90º. Natutulog ako ng 3 ng umaga, at nagigising ng 11. Okay, hindi ko alam kung tama ang interpretation ko sa shift ng recognition ng sistema ko sa umaga-gabi pero gets nyo na siguro ang punto ko. Tapos ko na ang first roll of film na niload ko sa holga ko at excited na akong mapaprocess siya. Hopefully hindi ko masyadong na over-expose yung ibang shots (dahil tinantsa ko lang ang exposure sa ibang bulb shots ko, depende sa light source, kung direct o medyo dim) at kung hindi rin na-sobrahan ng exposure ang bawat frame dahil minsan nakakalimutan ko kung nai-advance ko na yung film (dahil nga manual ang film advance). Nonetheless, hindi pa rin ako mapakali sa upuan ko at tumatawa ako na parang 6-yr-old na nagsswing, o nagsseesaw, o nagbabahay-bahayan, o naglalaro ng mga bioman action figure at inaabuso ang mga barbie. Oops, nasobrahan ata sa excitement. Anyway, 35mm ulit ang ni-load ko sa holga ko dahil naghihinayang akong gamitin yung 120 film ko. Irrationality ko nanaman ang pinapairal ko. haha So, i'm hoping to buy mountains and mountains of 120 film sa sumunod na pumunta akong art supply store. At hopefully this weekend na yon para masimulan ko na ang aking planong pag-abuso sa akong holga. haha Sooo, pagod na akong mag-ingles at sa palagay ko bugbog na ang ngalangala ko sa pagpilit kong gayahin ang "american accent" hahaha nakakatawa. Sa totoo lang, minsan pakiramdam ko, hindi na ako yung nagsasalita at minsan ay hindi ko na rin maintindihan ang lumalabas sa bibig ko. haha Oh well. 1:02 am na at sa mundo ko mga 9:00 pm yan. Titigilan ko na itong pagiging loser ko (dahil nasa world wide internet ako ng ganitong oras) at sisimulan ko na ang a-kong pag-aaral.

So simula na ng daylight savings ngayong araw na ito, actually kanina, kahapon, November 5. Tatagal na ang gabi at aatras ang curfew. Medyo nalilito ako sa oras at hindi ako makatulog dahil inatake ko nanaman ang kape kaninang dinner dahil medyo nakaka-inlove ang Kansas sa gabi, at kapag nasa tuktok ka ng buong city. At niroromansa ka ng mga ilaw, 360º na pag-ibig. Pinapakinggan ko ang lahat ng remixes ng ice cream ng new young pony club at naloloko na ako sa ilaw, neon lights, i can make you ice cream. haha Wala naman talaga akong sasabihin, gusto ko lang magpalipas ng oras dahil lumulubog na ako sa upuan ko at hindi ko na rin maintindihan ang binabasa ko: entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem. In short, Occam's razor. Ang banat ng materialists, wala daw "mind", "brain" lang. Sa bagay, hindi rin naman mabigyan ng sapat na ebidensya ng mga dualist ang interactionism theory nila. Pero kung ako ang tatanungin, naniniwala ako sa existence ng mind. Wala nga lang logical deductive proof. Okay, balik sa usapan ng kape at daylight savings. Bukas, mamaya, November 6, malupit daw ang bagsak ng temperature. Buti naimbento ang layers. hahaha Tama na! Ibaon na ang mukha sa libro! Tunawin na ang mata, ilong at bibig at gawing parte ng mga pahina!